The Revolving Door - in
by sandman slim
A frantic summer and a typically Swansea City Transfer Deadline Day means more ins and outs than a John Holmes flick for Sandman Slim to assess. The Editor promised him a shot of his favourite tequila for every player he profiled, and when last seen after submitting his work Slim was completely naked singing Hit the Road Jack on Cwmbwrla Roundabout!!
Winging In
Name: Joel Piroe
Position:Striker
Deal: £1m plus from PSV Eindhoven
In a Nutshell: No Piroe No Party!
The Skinny: “Worst player we will ever sign. Joel Piroe from PSV. It will happen tomorrow. Sad day. Worse than Aiden Newhouse. @SwansOfficial FFS shit shit and more shit” – those were the prophetic words of former Swansea City Director John van Zweden on the eve of Piroe’s unveiling. Sorry did I say prophetic? I meant to say PATHETIC (just like everything else about van Zweden, a classless oaf who has been a stain on the Swans ever since his first involvement with the club).
Piroe has promptly gone on to make a mockery of the Dutch Dipstick’s tweet, with five goals to his name already in just eight games. His past goal record with PSV and Sparta Rotterdam was anything but prolific, but he’s looked full of goals since pulling on a Swans shirt.
The left footed striker has a directness that we’ve lacked for some time and he looks like the sort of free spirit that could illuminate what promises to be a tough season.
He’s pretty much been ‘self service’ so far but hopefully other arrivals will provide the service he needs to thrive.
I wonder if he’ll spend his regular goal bonus on van Zweden Wallpaper? Nah, that stuff’s hanging! (Groan – Ed.)
Name: Michael Obafemi
Position:Striker
Deal: £1.8m capture from Southampton
In a Nutshell: Powerful and pacy with potential
The Skinny: Get past the blaring of the Undisclosed Fee Klaxon the Swans are said to have paid a fee of close to £2m for the Southampton forward on Deadline Day. Apparently for a million more the Swans could have signed a striker with a neck!
Obafemi was supposed to sign for Cooper’s Swans back in January of this year but injury scuppered the loan deal just as the player was packing his toothbrush.
Having recovered from injury but found himself still surplus to requirements at St Mary’s, Obafemi repacked the toothbrush and made ready to move on – Blackburn made a bid for both the player and his dental equipment this summer but Mike told them to Foxtrot Oscar (hopefully whilst playing Golf at the Hotel), preferring instead to successfully sign for the Swans at the second time of asking.
The diminutive Irish international hasn’t got a prolific scoring record but he has got plenty of pace and power and there’s every chance he could do some damage at Championship level.
His recent influential cameo against Millwall tends to suggest that’s the case but his glaring miss shows he has plenty to work on.
Nevertheless I’ll stick my neck out and say Obafemi will be a success at Swansea – I just hope he does’t steal it for himself!
Name: Flynn Downes
Position: Midfielder
Deal: £1.5m from Ipswich
In a Nutshell: All action East Anglian
The Skinny: One of Russell Martin’s first Swansea City ups was signing Downes from the Tractor Boys.
Despite his tender years Downes was Ipswich skipper, but when he signalled he didn’t want to extend his contract he was condemned to a pre-season with the kids until the Swans swooped in.
Clearly Downes was signed as Grimes was out, which is what the club had expected and almost certainly budgeted for. Only Grimes ended up staying – which means an interesting quandary for the manager.
Already Downes has impressed and after recovering from a bout of Covid-19 he’s not only come straight back into the side, he’s also usurped Grimes and taken his favoured defensive midfield position.
Downes definitely has more Devil in him than Grimes, far more robust in the challenge and whilst I felt there’s a touch of the Leons about him, more than one experienced observer has likened him to Ferrie Bodde.
He might have the same nasty streak as the Dutch Evil Genius but I’m not seeing the same sublime skills, range of passing and X-Factor that Bodde possessed.
Not that that is an issue in any way, shape or form – he’s been bought to put his foot in and keep play ticking over, and he’s done that just fine so far.
Name: Liam Walsh
Position: Midfielder
Deal: Free transfer from Holby City…err…Bristol City
In a Nutshell: Bombed out of Brizzle because he’s so brittle
The Skinny: There’s not a shred of doubt that Walsh has talent; an U23 Premier League 2 winners medal with Everton and a standout loan spell with Coventry testify to that.
All the question marks are around his ability to stay fit – it’s why Nigel Pearson bombed him out of Bristol City. And guess what? Walsh has washed out of several Swans fixtures already after picking up a hamstring injury during pre-season.
The Editor got it spot on in one of his match previews when he reckoned Walsh would be wearing a red shirt in any guest appearance in a Star Trek episode.
The red shirted extras were always expendable cannon fodder on any away mission. Walsh though would probably end up in sick bay before even getting onto the transporter pad, Bones McCoy having to treat serious injuries due to an unsecured phaser or something just as stupid.
It’s a shame as Walsh showed just what he can do when he finally returned to action in the recent stalemate with Millwall. A stunning free kick was turned aside and an assist would have been bagged if Obafemi hadn’t missed a chance my granny would have scored. And my granny’s deader than Elvis.
Still, this is a decent punt on a free transfer because if we can keep Walsh fit he’ll contribute plenty.
Name: Jamie Paterson
Position: Midfielder
Deal: Another free transfer from Holby City…err…Bristol City
In a Nutshell: Bombed out of Brizzle because he’s almost as brittle as Liam Walsh
The Skinny: It seems that the Bristol City User Manual has been updated to provide instructions for injury prone players to be sent to the approved Rehabilitation Home in Swansea.
Paterson joins fellow rocky Robins in Walsh and Korey Smith as part of a trio of players Bristol City fans are fond of but willing to see move on due to the amount of games they miss through a variety of injuries.
If ever the makers of Jack to a King wanted to film a West Country remake of Carry on Doctor then they’d need look no further than the DotCom dressing room for their comedy crocks.
That’s as about as funny as it gets for me where Paterson is concerned. He’s stayed fit and been a regular under Russell Martin, getting himself on the scoresheet at Blackburn, but I’m just not seeing an awful lot of output from him.
And going back to the casting for Carry on Doctor, if the casting director saw Paterson’s play acting as he tried to con a penalty against Hull then he’d most certainly be given the old “don’t call us, we’ll call you’!
Name: Ethan Laird
Position: Right Wing Back
Deal: Season long loan from Man Utd
In a Nutshell: Borrowed Red Devils right wing raider
The Skinny: There’s been a noticeable shift in transfer policy in this window with the club focusing more on permanent captures, but that’s not ruled out snapping up on loan prodigious talent from the Big Six clubs – as evidenced with Ethan’s arrival.
Laird is very highly rated at Old Trafford and had made a first team squad breakthrough and boasts a couple of Europa League appearances in 2019.
But injuries stalled his progression and now the Manchester club has gone down the path of toughening the lad up with regular time in the lower leagues.
That process began last January with a stint under Martin at MK Dons and it’s fair to say that Laird lit up League One.
With Connor Robs injured and in the last year of his contract an additional right sided defender was essential, and it didn’t take Russ long to nip back in for Laird.
It’s easy. to see why too. The United upbringing has ensured Laird is comfortable with the football and the lad is a powerful, pacy and direct presence out wide.
He’s more of a Tasmanian Devil than a Red Devil when he starts whirling up and down that right flank.
Question marks still remain up to this point though; Laird has yet to be properly tested on the defensive side of his game and he’s also displayed a tendency to fade quite badly after long bursts of lung busting action to begin with.
The Championship represents a big development step for Laird and the Swans will benefit from his quality in the short term too.
Name: Rhys Williams
Position: Centre Half
Deal: Season long loan from Liverpool
In a Nutshell: Borrowed Scouse stopper
The Skinny: There was definitely a Marc Guehi size gaping hole in the squad Martin inherited – and I’m still trying to recover from the sight of Martin trying to plug that cavernous gap with Ryan Manning. Guehi was a giant, Manning’s a GNOME FFS!!
Sanity prevailed on Deadline Day – enter the building Rhys Williams, although you’ll have to wait until we higher the ceilings so you’ll fit, son.
At a towering 6’5″ the 20 year old defender brings the sort of imposing frame that can fill that Guehi gap.
But Williams is no slouch on the floor either, despite his brain being a considerable distance away from his feet, and he’ll hopefully replicate Guehi’s ability to stride forward from the back with the ball and bring some tempo and momentum to our game.
There are flaws in his game – a lack of pace and some questionable reading of the game. If he can grow out of the latter problem with game time and experience then he can solve the former through better positioning.
And he started that learning process at the highest level last season when he first partnered and then replaced an injured Virgil van Dijk in the Liverpool team.
The Swans will be hoping that Williams brings the same sort of defensive solidity that Guehi brought us, whilst Liverpool will be hoping we can repeat what we did for Guehi and Chelsea, finishing the development process and earning the parent club a very handsome sell on fee.
Name: Olivier Ntcham
Position: Attacking Midfielder
Deal: Free agent
In a Nutshell: Free spirited Frenchman
The Skinny: If you introduced a heavyweight boxer into a breeding programme with Samuel L Jackson then Olivier Ntcham is what you’d end up with nine months later!!
The French midfielder looks a real bruiser, but despite being a formidable specimen he appears to be a free spirit too with a box of tricks and a subtle touch at his command.
At 25 Ntcham is approaching his prime but he also brings with him a wealth of experience having spent two years on loan in Serie A with Genoa and four trophy laden seasons in Scotland with Celtic.
Snapping up free agent Ntcham the day after the transfer window closed could prove to be the best deal in the Championship – IF the player can live up to the potential that our Sporting Director has seen in him since their days together at Manchester City.
Ntcham’s debut against Hull was full of promise until he ran out of petrol midway through the second half, and the Millwall game a few days later probably came too soon for him. Ntcham looked tired from the start of that one and didn’t make anywhere near as much impact.
There’s definitely plenty to work with though and he could well provide both the physicality and creativity our midfield needs when he gets up to full fitness.
And if he can shout MuddaF*&!*r in a Samuel L voice as he ghosts past Sean Morrison and slams the winning goal into the top corner in the South Wales Derby, it’ll instantly elevate him to Trundle-like status.
Le Daps la Magie?
Name: Kyle Joseph
Position: Striker
Deal: £500k from Wigan
In a Nutshell: Long term investment
The Skinny: Joseph was the first signing of the summer, presumably on the say so of Head of Recruitment Andy Scott rather than the ever so slowly outgoing Steve Cooper.
Whoever gave the say so, the £500k looks to be a worthwhile investment; Joseph’s 23 goal exploits in Wigan’s U23s saw him elevated to the first team last season and he responded with 5 goals in 18 games.
It was enough to have a queue of clubs after his signature but he chose Swansea on the basis of the pathway to the first team.
In some ways you could say that has backfired as he was restricted to a Carabao Cup appearance before being sent out on a season long loan at Cheltenham.
He showed enough in that Carabao Cup tie to whet the appetite though and it will do him good to get a serious run of games at first team level, something he simply wasn’t going to get at Swansea.
Let’s hope a good spell as a Robin will see him ready to be a Swan in the near future.
